Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief: Demigod Parody
by Lion of Sagami
Summary: A re-reading of the early adventures of Percy Jackson, but like the ancient myths, there are some different interpretations, unexpected characters, exaggerated events and some random pops references.
1. Percy frightens a teacher who nobody lik

_**Chapter One:**_

_**Percy frightens a teacher who nobody likes and nobody cares**_

Percy would be lying that he never wanted to be a demigod instead of living a mortal life like all other people, but would soon rethink about it. In fact, he would not have thought of any of this if he had not been on a school excursion to a natural history museum.

And at least Professor Firenze Brunners was responsible for the students and the only Yancy Academy teacher who did not want to kill Percy or brainwash. In front of a Greek statue, Mr. Brunners asked:

"Can anyone tell me what this obviously fake statue, created in the eighteenth century, is trying to represent?"

Almost all the students were distracting with their cell phones, except Percy made the mistake of staring at the statue, which showed a giant man eating something that vaguely looked like tiny humans. Percy pondered for a moment and said,

"That's a titan devouring humans!"

Thunder was heard and Brunners arched an eyebrow:

"Yes, this is a titan, but who is this titan? And if I were you, I would not call these little men human if I wanted to live for a long time ..."

"I'm not sure; it looks like a stupid titan devouring a stupid legion of reconnaissance legion."

After a brief moment of silence, there was one more bang. Mr. Brunners corrected:

"No, Jackson. Not that kind of titan ..."

"Mr. Brunners, you impostor, we were looking for you!"

They all turned to see Mrs. Dodds with a police woman and a nurse holding a straight jacket for some reason. Mr. Brunners does not seem surprised:

"You should be looking in the mirror, your _megera_! In fact I do not know why I did not get rid of you sooner, but let me dispense my class out of the museum!"

Percy knew that Mr. Brunners liked to swear in Latin so no one understood and it was something like vixen, but he would also laugh at a figure in Greek mythology that he did not remember. Maybe Megara, the wife of Hercules?

The cop frowned and looked at Mr. Dodds.

"Did he call you Megaera? If you were going to use my real name, why did I have to be Meg? "

"It's better than Tis, just because we can not think of anything that looks like Tisphone," the nurse complained.

"Stop we are the benevolent ones for a reason! We have to do the dirty work of the gods who do not want to bother with every human or inconvenient centaur who irritates them!"

Then Mr. Brunners nodded, winking at Mr. Tumnus, who really was a colleague of Percy's called Grover Tumnus, but he seemed old enough to be an early-career teacher. For some reason Grover gnawed his nails looking startled at the three women approaching and exclaimed,

"Yes, we have to go the pack right now, come with me Percy!"

The other students paid no attention to the women, but followed Brunners' orders as they gazed distractedly at the cell phone, commenting on how bored they were. Except for Percy because his cell phone had been stolen by Nancy Bobofit, self-declared as most popular kleptomaniac of New York.

They were up to an open courtyard of the museum, next to a convenient fountain. Grover looked away and murmured to Percy,

"Are you a son of Adam?"

"What!?"

"It's rhetoric! Do not you know the reference? You really need to understand the reference, to prove that you are a demigod enough enough for me not to worry about those crazy old women! "

Before Percy could process what Grover said, he heard Nancy shout,

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is my hundredth video showing my latest robbery in the face of this too stupid victim to fight back!"

Nancy was filming Percy and Grover as she extended Percy's stolen cell phone, but the position made the phone block the camera's sights. Percy complained:

"You know, maybe you could be a really competent thief if you did not shoot your crimes! And give me back my cell phone! "

"Hey, have you stolen anything here? I'm the professional thief here and I demand respect from your ... ".

Nancy was overturned by a spurt of water, which emerged from the spring. Although she was in a good position to realize this, she had already decided that that week, Percy would be guilty of everything. "Hey, I get attacked by Percy because I'm a bully who stole his cell phone!"

No one paid attention, so Nancy quickly wrote a text on the stolen cell phone and they all screamed in amazement, but just glanced sideways at Percy and Grover, then quickly re-typed messages about what they saw.

"Percy Jackson! I demand you to come with me now! "Mrs. Dodds exclaimed at the top of the steps to the museum.

She had no glasses on, her hair untied, and there was a small cut on her chin as if she'd gotten into a fight. Percy sighed,

"Well, I think I'm going to be kicked out of school just like it's since kindergarten. Can I go to my house right now? "

"Yeah, let's get out of here as fast as possible from here, away from this monster and straight to the safety of ..." Grover exclaimed, but then closed his mouth as if he had said too much.

"First, I am a minor deity who serves the lord of darkness, not a random monster. And I know you're a satyr, but I'll guarantee your expulsion from this school, since you're so fond of playing student! "Mrs. Dodds spoke, her eyes widening, creating fangs and feathers in her arms.

"Hey, we should not reveal ourselves to mortals, that violates the secrecy rule of the demigod world!" Grover protested.

"This is the law of the Olympians, not of my beloved Dark Lord who has no throne in Olympus! Moreover, the mist and stubbornness of mortals aid in our disguise! "

"Well, then I will not die for challenging you! Percy stay with me ... Percy? "

Percy, accustomed to running away from kindergarten, was already a few feet away from this strange situation, but Mrs. Dodds flew over Percy, grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling her into the museum.

They flew over Mrs. Brunners who were lying on the ground, but for some reason their feet had grown in size as the other two women kicked him as they flew hysterically. Percy did not have time to process what was happening and was thrown into another connivingly empty room. Mrs. Dodds exclaimed as she flew:

"Give back the invisibility helm of the Lord of Darkness and I'll kill you a little less painfully!"

"Helm of Invisibility?"

Mrs. Dodds sighed.

"Of course, besides stealing from the Dark Lord, he does not even know the name of it. If you belonged to Zeus, Poseidon or any other Olympian, you would remember! But no, who cares about the invisible helmet of the dark lord, even if it was you who stole it? Or can you at least admit it to the lightning bolt of Zeus? "

"Lightning of Zeus? What are you talking about?"

"Stop playing the fool, or I'll have to do it the funniest way!" Mrs. Dodds smirked, showing her fangs.

"You mean the hard way?"

Mr. Brunners trotted in as he held a pen and shouted,

"Jackson, ignore the strange things and just open that pen that's really a sword and use it to kill this monster, who really is a minor deity."

Percy could not help but notice how strange it was, but Mrs. Dodds replied:

"You again? In fact, why are you protecting these demigods instead of a random camper? And why are you already delivering this special sword of all things? You do not see Hades coming here personally to threaten him! "

Mrs. Brunners grimaced:

"You talk too much to my taste! Jackson, watch a demonstration! "

In the meantime, Tisphone and Megaera flew in as they held Grover and passed over Brunners who quickly hit both with their sword, causing them to drop Grover, who jumped on some statues like a mountain goat. The two flew hysterically and went to meet Mrs. Dodds.

Brunners threw the sword, managing to hit all three and fall at Percy's feet. But as soon as he took the sword, the three women seemed to be turning into golden liquor although it still managed to fly. Megaera complained:

"That's not fair, only we can hurt people!"

"Let the lord of darkness know that, you little thief! And you too, you stupid horse! "Tisphone whined.

"Enough, the only reason we have difficulty killing a simple demigod is because of Fates's will, but at least we can deliver the warning! And by the way, my name is Alecto! Remember that, your thief! "Alectus quickly flew out the window, along with the sisters, though they took even more giving because the window was closed.

Percy blinked trying to process what he had just seen, then turned and saw Grover helping Mr. Brunners sit in the wheelchair. Percy wasted no time:

"What just happened?"

"Happen what? I have not jumped on the statues like a mountain goat, especially since I have difficulty walking and need help from that crutch! "Grover flushed.

"And how did you help Mr. Brunners sit in a wheelchair without the help of the crutch? Anyway, did you guys see what happened to Mrs. Dodds? "

"Do not worry Jackson, the important thing is that I'm already in my wheelchair. And do not worry about this imaginary bird woman you just told me. "

"I never said I saw this and if I'm wondering, how can you guess that? And where did that sword pen come from that you threw for me? Hey, she was right in my hand! "

Suddenly a blond, cheerful woman came in and greeted Mr. Brunners.

"Where were you? My name is Mrs. Kerr, I've been an Algebra teacher since the beginning of the year! There is not, there was not and there will never be a Mrs. Dodds, especially if she had become a monstrous bird! "

"Hey, I've never seen you before! What if they do not believe me, why do not they look at the security cameras or something? "

Mrs. Kerr shrugged, approached Mrs. Brunners, and whispered in his ear:

"Remember the deal, I will help you in this deception and you will teach the campers about the wonderful Apate, goddess of fraud, otherwise I will make you regret it!"

"All right, Mrs. Apate ... I mean, Mrs. Kerr!" Mr. Brunner rushed, "Jackson, Tumnus! It's late, we're going back to Academy Yancy and pretending nothing strange happened here! Not that someone normal would believe anyway. "

"You're a shame to all fraudulent, Mr. Brunners!"

Then everyone returned to Academy Yancy while Grover tried to persuade Percy that nothing strange happened.


	2. Beach, camp and an enraged bull?

**N/A: **I'm currently looking for a beta, I already asked for help elsewhere, but I was wondering if any beta bed could help me.

* * *

_**Chapter 2:**_

**_Beach, fireplace and... An enraged bull? Well, anything is better than more time with Gabe_**

Percy thought Mrs. Apate Kerr would be nice and would pretend that Percy had taken so many good grades that he would be released for the rest of the year. Unfortunately, she decided to steal every detail of Mrs. Dodds' life, her clothes, her personality, and even a wig that obviously looked very fake. And also included the bad notes of Percy, although she tried to persuade him to give bribes so that she offered good grades.

It was a night before Mr. Brunners' test, and though Percy did not bother to study for the tests, he had been condemned to write a copy of all the books in the library because apparently bully bullies in toilets was not acceptable at that school .

After hours doing the dirty work of the teachers, who probably would not even check Percy's work, he went back to the dorm. Conveniently he passed Mr. Brunners' office while he was having a suspicious conversation with Grover Tumnus. Because Percy had no more interesting things to do, he snooped around.

"Mr. Brunners, we have to get him to camp as soon as possible! Of all possible things, it was a lesser revolted goddess who directly serves you-know-who and that means that there are already deities conspiring against him before he even knows he is a demigod! And they think a random demigod stole it! "

"Do not worry, you heard what that woman said! The Fates will protect him as long as they can and we can assume we'll be able to get her to the camp safely. "

"But ... what if he will come a tree as soon as he gets there, just like it happened to that demigod?" Grover whined.

"I doubt that will happen again and the soul of that young boy is not yet ready for the burden."

"We only have until the summer solstice and he will not have to deal with it by relaxing on a beach while some paranoid god or goddess tries to kill him!" Grover was alarmed.

Percy was worried whether they were drinking or not, but he thought it best not to interfere. It is very likely that he would be the only one accused of offering alcoholic beverages in the middle of the night and being expelled from school.

"Do not worry, we just have to wait for him to leave for the trip as if nothing had happened, getting conveniently close to the camp and you'll have to take action!"

"Great, tomorrow I call Multiple Eyes and other campers to get him off the bus and drive straight to the camp!" Grover cheered.

"No, he needs to get to the summer house and spend some time with his mother. It will be risky for everyone, but that's what Fates want. "

"Well, what's the point of the goddess of news leaking spoilers if we can never do anything about what's predestined?"

"Because some people like spoilers, they even pay for it and you should never challenge fate. Now go to sleep that tomorrow you have tests to do! "

Grover would complain, but he paused for a moment and sniffed.

"What is that smell? Is there a demigod us spying behind the door? Is that you, Percy? Come in and leave us ... "

There was a noise and Percy only heard Mr. Brunners' voice.

"I warned you, now if you stay quiet for a few moments the Fates rope will disappear soon."

Instinctively Percy walked away and went to the bedroom, though he thought he was already dreaming. The next day he did tests as fast as possible and without thinking twice as he probably would not be able to finish the year before being expelled.

And somehow he was the last to finish because the students did not even bother to pay attention to the exams. When Percy gave the exam, he said,

"I tried my best, but it's no use anyway, because I've already failed in other subjects."

"Do not worry about the other Muggle subjects, but focus on my class because that's what you'll need for the rest of your life!"

"Well, the other teachers also say the same about you."

"Well, I've already said that they are irrelevant Muggles, but you're special in your own way, Jackson and it's like a mutant between supposedly normal people!"

"Thank you, I think." Percy responded in disarray.

"Do not feel bad, Percy. Have pride, mutant pride! "

"Okay, I've already understood that I'm not normal and my biology teacher has already said that."

"You need a special place for you because you're not normal, you know what I mean?"

"Yes, that's one of the few things I can forget. See you!"

Mr. Brunners was going to try to say something more inappropriate, but he gave up.

Later, Percy was at the bus station, and then Grover appeared from nowhere.

"Where do you think you're going without firing your friend?"

"Believe me, I'm just trying to mislead people about where I live."

"Well, I think you could show me where you live since we're a roommate."

"You would be so shocked by the mess that it will look like you saw Megara."

"It's Medusa, and Megara was Hercules's first wife!"

"Great, I already know that I missed an answer on Mr. Brunners' test, not that I mind."

"Do not tell Hercules or Megara, wait ... those three old women are looking at you?"

Grover whispered not to draw even more attention, but Percy simply turned and saw three old women knitting a huge stocking, there are only six feet of them. Grover murmured:

"The Multiple Eyes van did not come thanks to them, but at least I bought the ticket to accompany you. Percy, come with me right now! "

"Goat bad behaved!" Grunted the first old woman.

"Trying fate, you'll face the consequences!" The second old woman complained, showing a so-premiere sock that looked like it was made for an animal with hooves.

"It will be locked for the convenience of our plot!" The latter exclaimed exceedingly dramatic.

"Spare me your horrible puns!" Grover shouted, shaking the ticket.

Somehow, the ticket slipped out of his hand and flew off with a strong wind, taking it to dozens of feet high. Grover ran out to get:

"Percy, wait for me here!"

Percy hesitated, but decided to continue the journey alone so Grover would not see the horrible house where he lived. It was in New York, in Manhattan, in a seemingly simple, generic building. But inside, it was one of the most destroyed apartments in the city's history.

Percy's room was even worse than when he'd left, probably because his stepfather decided to turn the room into an office, playroom, dining room, party room, laundry room, and garbage dump. Percy spotted what appeared to be the bed and tossed the backpack that began to sink into the rubble. Suddenly, Sally burst in excitedly without paying attention to the mess:

"Percy, I run away from my desk just to see you ASAP!"

"Layered beans, Sally!" Someone shouted from the other side of the apartment.

"It's not fair, Mom, I would have run away from school too early if I knew you could approve of that!" Percy joked.

"Layered beans in fifteen minutes!" Someone yelled.

"I have great news, we'll be going to the beach!"

Suddenly, Gabe Ugliano jumped into the room with everything and fell face down on the floor screaming beans in layers. He fell so hard that when he got up, all the dirt on the floor stuck to him, forming a mark on the floor. Sally sighed,

"Alright, I'll make a bunch of beans layered for you, but me and Percy will be leaving soon for the trip."

"I do not remember asking that, but be careful with my car! And kid, it does not cause any extra scratches! "

"There's so much damage, I doubt you'd realize," Percy replied.

"I'm not that stupid, I photographed all the damage my car already has to know the difference!" Gabe scoffed, picking up a cell phone that showed a bearded man holding a trident.

"Hey, this is my cell phone!" Sally grunted.

"It was your cell phone, now make my beans in layer before my partners, paid with their hard earned salary, arrive and want me to share! And I hope you are not keeping any for yourselves! "

"If you have then it is most likely blue, especially made for my son!"

"Hey, I do not even want to know if it's true! Where do you get these things from? "

After delivering all the beans in prepared layer in advance, Sally and Percy quickly picked up Gabe's old car and left for the summer house. After a few hours, they arrived at the old house that was very modest and old, but at least Gabe was not there.

"Percy, have you ever asked how a poorly paid candy store employee, with half of the salary being stolen by a tenant, manages to maintain a summer house and an apartment in Manhattan for more than a decade?" Sally said as she settled into a old sofa.

"Is my father the god of wealth and secretly sending money to us?"

There was a crash and probably the light would have blinked if it had not already been burned, so the room was still being lit by a fireplace. Sally considered for a moment, looking sideways, as if a wrong answer would attract chance, then ignored Percy's reply as a joke.

"No, that belonged to your father for more than three hundred years, in which it happened ... Several types of adventures, including when I found your father fainted on the beach, I rescued him and fell in love. For some reason, he started trying to eat flowers and almost broke the television, "Sally said with longing.

"Yes, as you have said before, then he disappeared on the seas trying to hunt a monstrous whale or something. It would be better if it were not for a little while before I was born. "

"Percy, I understand what you feel, but he really cares about you, so much so that he warned me where to send you to stay safe."

"Wait, he does not even know I'm alive?"

Someone knocked on the door before Percy sued what he heard, then he stood up to meet the inconvenient visitor. Sally shouted:

"No, Percy! It could be monsters! "

A goat leg pierced the door latch, making Percy retreat. Someone shouted outside:

"Technically right, but I'm not one of those random monsters!"

Then the door fell, revealing the inconvenient visitor.

"Grover? Why did you ... What happened to your legs? "

"Bla-a-a! The pants would only get in my way just like when that teacher tried to kill you! "Grover blinked.

"Your teacher tried to kill you? Percy, what are not you telling me? "Sally looked at Percy.

"Mom, I think I'm the only one who does not understand anything."

Sally wasted no time and pulled them both into the car as if it were the end of the world. While his mother was speeding up the illegal turbines that Gabe had installed in the car, for car racing in the streets, Percy said to Grover,

"Besides my teacher if half bird, now my best friend is half goat?"

"No, I am a satyr, as in Greek myths, furthermore one of the first rules as a camper is to never call a half-goat satyr if you want to have a long life. Lucky I'm your friend. "

"So now you're officially saying I'm not crazy or imagining things?"

"That's right, but we must hurry because while Mr. Dodds wanted to kill you slowly in the name of the justice of the underworld, what is following us wants to kill you because there is nothing better to do!"

"What?"

"Just a little longer ... Wait, why did not I take you here earlier?" Sally complained.

With a crash, the car fell into a valley, but conveniently only Grover was injured. Grover baliu:

"What have Fates got against me?"

"Percy, help me get him out of here!"

As they took Grover out of the wrecked car, they heard a voice in the heavens.

_"I would have hited he if I had my master bolt, not that I missed it or anything like that!"_

_"Honey, do not try fate because if it will not make things worse! He still needs to prove himself and can not die now! "A woman's voice resonated, albeit in a forced way._

_"What? It was just a coincidence that ... Wait, since when did you call me like this? And who left the celestial voice switched on? "_

The voices were gone, and then Percy, Sally and Grover saw what looked like a giant bull-headed man. This was evident when he let out an ominous moo. Grover moaned:

"It's Mr. Moo! We have to hurry up that hill! "

The bull man jumped onto the cliff, falling face down on the car. Percy tried to drag Grover up the hill, but Sally turned away and went to the bull man and said,

"Hey, I'm grateful you detonate Gabe's car even more, but please distract me while my son runs away!"

"Mother!" Percy was startled, almost dropping Grover.

"This is a distraction, Percy! Go to the hill now! "

The Minotaur quickly grabbed her by the throat before she could think of something smarter and her body flashed for a moment and disappeared.

"No!" Percy screamed, dropping Grover.

He rushed over to the Minotaur, who came forward with it, but Percy managed to get under his legs and jumped into their tracks, reaching for the horn as the Minotaur fell to the ground again.

Percy made so much force that he broke the Minotaur's horn, which disintegrated with one last final hum. And holding the horn, Percy fainted with exhaustion as they heard voices of people approaching, asking that they were making so much noise.


	3. Percy goes to the camp

**_Chapter 3:_**

**_Percy goes to the camp, becomes the king of the bathroom and brings new opportunities for all_**

Percy dreamed a gray-eyed blonde girl holding his wrist as another woman was ordering other people to look some monsters, as well as Mr. Brunners' voice urging everyone to calm down. Before losing consciousness again, he saw a beautiful blond woman holding a camera behind the blond girl as if recording the situation and murmured something strange like:

"Oh, their first meeting, that's so sweet!"

Then he felt a spoonful of popcorn with biscuits being pushed into his mouth, to bring back consciousness. And again, that blonde girl was in front of him, but Percy tried to push her away with what he was holding.

In an instant, the girl's spoon was caught with the Minotaur's horn as if it were a sword fight. The girl said:

"To survive by drinking Ambrosia, having reasonable instincts and being hunted by third-rate monsters, then you certainly are a demigod, though I would never suspect just watching you drool while you sleep!"

Percy realized he was lying on a porch bench. Grover was leaning over the fence, while at the other end Mr. Brunners was a man who looked like a tourist stereotype and who seemed very bored playing cards.

"Hey, could you give me some credit for me? I found him first!" Grover said.

"Annabeth, could you get some space for him in cottage 11?" Mr. Brunners said.

"Maybe he's the one ..." Annabeth mumbled as she left the Big House.

"Grover, you're a creep, you were tracking me and now you took me to some sort of refuge? Have you also used a fake ID?"

"More or less, I'm Grover Underwood and not Grover Tumnus, besides I'm a satyr and do not call me a creep! Come on, I'll show the camp leaders!"

"Percy, welcome to the camp! I'm sorry for taking too long while pretending to be a mediocre teacher in that deplorable school, but I really am called Chiron and from now on I will be a helpful mentor! And this is Mr. D, the director of the camp!"

Percy did not think twice before asking,

"Mr. D? So your real name is Gerry Duncan or do you really call yourself D?"

"If I had a drink for every brat that is brought here and who asks me this, I would even be very drunk, even to my taste!" Mr. D replied by creating a glass of wine out of nowhere.

"Mr. D, remember your restrictions!" Chiron said.

A crash resounded in the heavens and the glass of wine turned into Pepsi Cola. Mr. D looked at Percy and explained,

"My old father, Zeus, recently deprived me of wine and my arrest here because I tried to flirt with a nymph named Beryl Grace who was off limits, but that was just an excuse for him to have her for himself"

Grover's got a cough on hearing this.

"No, she was a mortal! You're confusing her with another woman who really was a nymph. "Chiron replied.

"I'm not sure, I'm the god of wine and so it's natural for my memory to be confused when I do not drink."

"Mr. D? Your father is Zeus and you are god of wine ... Dionysus? "Percy said.

"Di immortales, only now you realize? Chiron, did not I tell you were wasting your time?"

"He's young and it's only been a few hours since he learned of our existence, so it's kind of weird that he immediately finds one of the Olympian dojos throwing Pinochle on a porch."

"I hate it when you have a point. Brat, do you at least play Pinochle?"

"No, D."

"_Mr._ D, Jackson!"

"You do not have to call me Mr. D Jackson, but why can not I just call Dionysus, assuming you're really a god?"

Mr. D glared at him, but replied slowly,

"Because the names have power and call us in a informal way would annoy us, but do not worry about remembering that. Eventually you will call us by the complete names and this rule will just be an example of early installment weirdness! "

"Early installment weirdness?"

Mr. D just looked sideways as he crushed the empty tin of Pepsi Cola, to Chiron:

"What exactly did you teach this brat for? He does not even much understand references to random terms! Could you take him to see the camp before I turn him into a dolphin? "

"I agree, Percy will come with me so I can explain further without you risking painful death. And Grover, you'd better get back with the elders caprine and say that at least you brought a demigod alive this time ."

"This time?" Percy questioned.

Grover sighed and sadly trotted into the woods.

And then Chiron jumped out of the wheelchair, emerging the underside that really was a horse. He then led Percy to demonstrate the rest of the camp.

"As you can see, this is a haven for the demigods while their parents are busy with important things, like reaffirming their dominion for the umpteenth time, trying to kill each other even if they are immortal and above all: Else making more children like you."

Looking at the landscape before him, down the hill, it was possible to see an arena, a wall of lava perhaps was real, a large strawberry garden a lot of booths that stood in U formation and in the center, there was a fireplace where girl was warming up marshmallow.

"But why should there be a refuge here? Should not they be in Greece? "

"The gods follow the strength of Western civilization; they went from Greece to Rome and then to various other powers of the world until we arrived here. Unfortunately, the demigods are hunted by monsters and therefore, they need a place to live in safety. "

"And why does it look like there are only young people like me?"

"Unfortunately, the demigods do not live for very long and rarely go beyond their twenties, although there are a lot of important examples that have passed the fifty years and had time to make history, like George Whashington, a child of Athena."

"Alright, so you're the real Chiron? Was that centaur badly wounded and sacrificed by Hercules? But then you should not be dead?"

"Oh, I'm glad you paid attention to my classes, although I spent half of each class talking about my deeds. And yes, technically I've been sacrificed, but a lot has happened in those five thousand years! "

After some time, they reached the center of the camp, where the cabins were.

"So that means the underworld also exists? Maybe I could find my mother? "

"I'm sorry about your mother, but I do not think you can just go there ..."

A deafening scream was heard from the wood that lay near the cabin. Annabeth, who was approaching them, looked uncomfortably at the forest.

"Well, it looks like I have to help Grover. Annabeth, could you continue to guide Percy to me? "

"Oh, of course, although this is tedious, less when it's time to present my cabin."

Chiron trotted quickly into the woods, leaving Percy and Annabeth alone.

"You are my dream girl!"

"Considering how dreams always mean future problems, I would be a bit worried. Well, now I'm going to introduce the booths. "

"Cabin 12 represents the children of Dionysus, stay away from the parties because otherwise, Mr. D would be envious. Cabin 11 is from Hermes, where are the children of Hermes and those who have not yet been claimed by the immortal father or mother because apparently Hermes is the only one who wants to be hospitable, although hospitality should be a very bad business because the ancient Greeks..."

"Unclaimed? Does that mean I'm going to have to stay there for how long?"

"Cabin 10, Aphrodite, the cabin of the vain narcissists. Cabin 9, Hephaestus, his children like to steal my ideas and my siblings but do a poor job. Cabin 8, Artemis, she has no children for being a maiden goddess, but she has hunters who come here from time to time, but do not try to talk to them. Cabin 7, Apollo, their children love everything their father does like poetry, music, medicine, singing, writing, the Sun itself and everything else in their father's domain."

"Apollo must be very proud."

The weather grew more sunny as Annabeth's gray eyes flashed as she stared at the cabin, then she was no longer bored and exaggerated.

"This magnificent Athena's cabin, where the most intelligent and wise children of the camp are, has the best architecture of this place. Untrained eyes will say that this cabin has never changed since the creation of this camp, but the truth is that perfection is steadily reformed for something even better with each passing day, unfortunately others are too dumb to realize it. Thanks to the gods, this is..."

"Your cabin, Athena is your mother."

She stared at Percy as if he had begun to speak in Latin.

"How did you realize that? Maybe it's one of my half-brothers?"

"Is not she a maiden goddess like Artemis?"

"Well, my mother reproduces by intellect and us, Athena's children, are born exactly like her. Literally from her divine mind. "

"I never hear about it in Chiron class."

"Well, mortals may not have kept all the information about divine biology. Now let me continue! Cabin 5, Ares, they are quarrelsome and could have the same IQ as the other campers if they did not waste their precious time trying to prove to us that brute force is better than intelligence in addition to using an old and tired meme. Cabin four, Demeter, they talk to plants and we ridicule them even if they are responsible for the agriculture for us to support, along with the children of Dionysus and basically are the Hufflepuff House."

"And the remaining three are Poseidon, Hera and Zeus? They look great, but it looks like there's no one there and should not have a home for Hades?"

"Hera obviously has no kids because she's too busy trying to get back at Zeus's betrayals and she's the goddess of marriage. The big three used to have several children, but..."

"Hey, looks like there's a newbie!"

A muscular girl appeared with a young blonde, who made Percy think of Xena the Warrior Princess and Gabrielle, but they were also accompanied with an African American boy.

"Clarisse, this is redundant! Percy, she is Ares's child, while Silene is the daughter of Aphrodite and Beckendorf, son of Hephaestus. "

"Are not your immortal parents the ones with a love affair? It's ironic to see these three together! " Percy said.

"What are you insinuating, newbie? No matter, I'll use you as a punching bag to train!"

"Clarisse, even a child of Aphrodite like me, knows that beginners are not good at training. Do not you agree with me, Charlie? Hey, Charlie?" Silene exclaimed.

Charlie seems to be analyzing Percy as if he were a robot.

"With those skinny arms, I think he must not be a child of Hephaestus or he needs a lot of training ... Sorry, did you say something Silene?"

Clarisse sighed.

"Where is your demigod pride? This newcomer has arrived now and killed a monster, stealing my first chance to fight in several months! At best, he must be strong or ... Well, unlucky his because I'm not holding on! "

"Is this how you always welcome in here?"

"Welcome? I would say..."

"Clarisse, no!" Annabeth exclaimed.

Clarisse grabbed Percy and ran to the nearest bathroom.

"This is Sparta!"

"Seriously? Are you going to throw me in a toilet? Is not there something more original?"

"No matter what you say, this was normal in Sparta, Sparta today and Sparta forever!"

"She was not joking when she said about forced meme!"

Carisse was going to play Percy in the toilet as if it were basketball, but then the bathroom floor began to shake.

Carisse ignored the lane and threw Percy into the toilet, but a strong jet of water came out of the way and somehow skirted Percy, but it hit Clarisse. She was knocked over the other side of the bathroom, but when she tried to get up, more water shot from other private and bathroom sinks.

Carisse ignored the lane and threw Percy into the toilet, but a strong jet of water came out of the way and somehow skirted Percy, but it hit Clarisse. She was knocked over the other side of the bathroom, but when she tried to get up, more water shot from other private and bathroom sinks, creating some cracks all over the bathroom. In the end, the whole bathroom was soaking wet and Clarisse was stunned as Percy wondered what had happened. Suddenly, Charlie, Silene and Annabeth entered.

"This is amazing!" Charlie exclaimed.

"Why are you so animated?"

"Because all this mess involves mechanical overhauls and even a chance to dig something down there! If you cannot see this opportunity, certainly is not a child of Hephaestus!"

"And if you're not disgusted and thinking about how to make this mess become something aesthetically beautiful, it certainly is not Aphrodite's child." Silene said, going to help Clarisse.

Percy saw Annabeth smile confidently at the situation.

"Are you smiling for the same reason?"

"Yes, but you can help us capture the flag!"


	4. Catch flag

_**Chapter 4:**_

_Train at the last minute, do almost nothing in flag catch and gain recognition._

Annabeth took Percy to the cabin Hermes. There was no problem on the way, but she abruptly stopped and gripped Percy tightly as they arrived in front of the cabin.

"Wait!" Annabeth said.

Hermes's cabin looked strangely calm. No one was on the porch, the windows and the door were closed.

"What?"

"They always invent something for beginners because their father is the god of tricks."

"Is there a cabin that doesn't hurt newbies?"

Annabeth didn't answer, just motioned to follow her as she walked slowly. Percy did the best thing that came to mind, walked normally to the cabin and opened the door. It looked like there was literally nothing within meters of the cabin. Annabeth grunted as she followed him.

"Seaweed head! You won't last long being reckless!"

In front of them, a dim light came on, illuminating only a wheelchair right in front of him, where a blond boy sat. Then he turned around like a villain calmly holding a cat, waiting for the hero to arrive. He said:

"I was waiting for you, Jackson!"

"Stop kidding, Luke. That's not funny after you do it a hundred times!"

Despite the scar and the sadistic smile, Luke didn't really look like a villain and probably wasn't waiting for Percy. But the most bizarre thing about him was that the cat on his lap was a scorpion.

"Hi Annabeth. Looks like you brought me a potential ally for my Machiavellian plans."

Laughter was heard from the darkness in the cabin. Annabeth looked away, looking uncomfortable.

"Oh, Luke! It's so embarrassing when you greet me that I end up acting out of character!"

Percy remembered what his mother always said. It's out of character was a serious matter, but he only knew them both a few hours ago, so he didn't know what to say. Luke just stared at Percy unblinking for ten seconds and then said:

"So you mean you defeated a monster, destroyed a toilet, and defeated three troubled demigods on the first day? And still undetermined?"

"At least two weren't exactly troublemakers, but that means undetermined."

"Yes, unfortunately it is still undetermined!" Annabeth exclaimed.

Voices of sigh and desolation were heard from the darkness of the cabin. Luke just stared at Percy for a while as the scorpion on his lap shifted uncomfortably, but Luke calmed him. Annabeth said:

"Well, I'll train. Luke, try to leave him whole until the flag is captured and he has to be available to help me."

"I solemnly swear I won't do anything good!" Luke said.

All the cabin lights came on, revealing the campers they were watching in secret. The place had several beds and objects scattered on the floor that could have been stolen or a trap for someone to try to catch. Everyone looked at the main switch of the cabin, where was a large young man who did not try to hide that it was he who interrupted. Luke just laughed.

"Chris Rodriguez, dare you mess up a trick done by the cabin leader? It shows that you are not like the rest of the hive and therefore a rebel who could fit into my secret plans."

The campers just looked confused with each other.

"Sorry, I was just looking for my bed because I wanted to lie down and couldn't see." Chris replied as if that conversation had already happened several times.

"No problem, someday we'll have a real place to call home." Luke exclaimed and turned to Annabeth, "It's like the old days, isn't it, Annabeth?"

"Luke, this is our home and please, I don't want to remember this before the others. See you later." Annabeth replied darkly.

Annabeth hurried out, the campers dismissed through the cabin, and then Luke stood, holding the scorpion that seemed a little aggressive toward Percy.

"Don't worry, Skorupi is a scorpion from the deep, contains a poison that can kill you in a minute and attacks those who threaten the owner, but he doesn't bite." Luke said smiling.

"Is that why you the leader?"

Luke looked confused, but then continued.

"So how about talking about the mortal side of our families? You're indeterminate, so you probably have some resentment for your immortal father. My father is Hermes, I met him once and have some personal issues with them, so maybe we can get together." it works very well! "

"Not sure what you want me to say."

A trumpet noise was heard by all. Luke exclaimed:

"Now it's time for us to eat, but if today we will pay respects to the gods, tomorrow we can eat without wasting our food! Don't worry, Percy, you'll understand what I mean!"

In the pavilion, the tables were separated by booths and there was a huge bonfire to burn the rest of food as an offering to the gods. Percy questioned:

"There's no roof, so what to do when it rains? Wouldn't that bonfire go out?"

"This is not the time to question how things work out! The gods just wanted things to be like this and so all we can do is distract them with false pleasures." Luke replied, looking over his shoulder as he threw whole plates into the fire.

"Can't the gods eat this naturally?"

"Yes, I see them gorge each year on the winter solstice! That's when campers will visit Olympus."

"That doesn't mean you could talk to your dad more often!"

"I can't say anything the gods don't want to hear, especially if it's from us."

Percy turned to see the marshmallow girl he had seen near the booths. She looked like a girl from pioneer times and their eyes looked like she was much older than she seemed to be, but she just smiled, saying:

"I'm the girl on fire! Want to know my name and who will betray you in the future?"

Confused, Percy turned and saw that Luke was gone. After reuniting and having just one afternoon of extensive training that consisted of Percy learning to not just be a punching bag, they went into the arsenal.

Percy soon realized that Riptdie was still with him, which made Luke reply bitterly.

"Chiron never gave me something like this and I've been longer than you, so I'll blacklist him. It would have helped me on my mission too."

"What kind of mission? Like an impossible mission?"

"No, it was to steal the golden apple of immortality from the Garden of Hesperide, but all I got was that scar and a mockery about Hercules having done it first and for hundreds of other demigods in the last five thousand years!"

"Well, did they at least let you have this apple of immortality?"

Luke smiled bitterly as he picked up a sharp sword.

"Yes, that suits me very well for my evil plan!"

Annabeth looked worried.

"Luke, you've been talking this way for five years now. I understand that, but we should have a serious talk about it if you're really planning something dangerous."

"Our semi-divine life is already dangerous in one way or another, Annabeth." Luke said coldly, but then smiled as if nothing had happened, "Why don't you say your plans for flag capture while we just follow what you say?"

"Yes, this is the spirit, Luke!"

All the campers went to a stage where Chiron and Mr. D stood, who couldn't seem more bored. Mr. D sighed and then said:

"Attention campers, tonight the blue team will be Annie Bell and her minions formed by the rest of the camp, except for the Ares cabin that makes up the whole red team. All forest area are allowed, all cheating items are acceptable, but unfortunately you are not allowed to kill each other even though your guns can accidentally cause it. Anyone who breaks this rule will be without dessert, but if the dead camper in question is someone I don't like, they will be rewarded with unlimited food for the rest of their lives. and will have no social obligation! "

Chiron gave a fake cough, drawing Mr. D's attention:

"What? I'm trying to be nice as you said! Oh, I was forgetting, if you again try to use this game as an excuse to reenact Woodstock in the woods without me knowing it, I'll turn you all into dolphins and turn this camp into a water park for a year! May luck always be in your favor and let the games begin! "

The teams broke up and went into the woods. Annabeth replied to everyone:

"I hope you all remember my plans!"

"What plan?" Percy questioned.

"Oh, I didn't say anything to you because I don't intend to manipulate you for now. I want you to just patrol the river's edge, away from our movements, to prevent novice mistakes from disturbing us."

"I thought you wanted my help."

"Yes, eventually I'll do it, but not now. You still have a lot to learn, as not to slow our moves. May luck be in your favor, seaweed head."

Annabeth left with her footmen while Percy was alone on the river's edge. Percy sighed.

At least I think I can avoid trouble now."

A roar echoed across the river, shouting sparingly. Percy saw Clarisse jump over the river, holding a spear, along with two other campers and she ran at him, screaming hysterically:

"Get ready to die, you miserable punk!"

Percy tripped, falling into the river, but Clarisse had managed to hit his arm, making a grazing wound, causing him to fall into the river.

"Hey, weren't mutilations forbidden?"

"Don't worry, I will say you spoke badly of Mr. D, so he will give me a lot of reward as a bonus after turning you into mash! Now get up and fight me!"

Clarisse made an exaggerated pose to move the spear and accidentally knocked her brothers over, but Percy quickly got up and countered. With a crash, the spear broke and Clarisse was thrown across the river.

"That's not fair! I've been training a lot longer than you, so you can only be the protagonist of some story or at worst ... A mary sue!" Clarisse growled.

"What are you talking about?"

Chiron and the other campers appeared from the top of the hill, with Luke holding the red flag.

"The game is over, the blue team is victorious, so you can already stop trying to kill each other!"

The campers began howling Luke's name like cheerleaders.

"That was close, I thought she was going to skin you, but then you were all berserker mode." Annabeth's voice was heard beside Percy.

Annabeth took off her invisibility hat, revealing herself before Percy.

And then they heard a roar across the river, where was a fierce wolf-like creature. One of the campers, Lou Ellen Blackstone shouted:

"That's Grim, we're all doomed!"

"Speak for yourselves, I will die fighting and kill anyone who gets in my way!" Clarisse growled taking bits of her spear.

Grim jumped at Percy, knocking his stream down again and began biting him on the arm. But the creature was shot by Chiron's arrows and tumbled sideways, while Percy instinctively put his arm in the water and began to heal the wound. Annabeth exclaimed:

"Oh my gods, that was a Hellhound from the punishment camps! Who let the dog in?"

"Who cares? I just know Percy stole my chance to fight a monster again!" Clarisse looked at Percy.

Chiron paid no attention and looked at Percy's arm.

"First, you blew up the entire bathroom and now healed in the creek, so what could that mean?"

Suddenly a bright glow came from Percy. It was a prism that was shaped like a trident. Chiron exclaimed:

"The bloodline is determined! Percy, you are the son of Poseidon, the god of the seas, storm and most importantly, lord of the horses, so I bow to you. Everyone, do this if you want to live!"

And then everyone bowed to Percy's confusion.


	5. The Delphic Oracle give a mission

**_Chapter 5:_**

The Delphic Oracle sends the trio on a mission

Percy was concerned that people would constantly praise him for being Poseidon's child, but he was quickly escorted to Poseidon's cabin and left alone. Having nothing to do but process what happened, he fell asleep and had a convenient dream. Two bearded men shouted at each other:

"Give me back what is mine!"

"If it was just asking, then I would have already returned days ago!"

"So you admit you stole it, but you just don't want to make it easy!"

"No, that means I didn't get it! Do the math, brother! "

"No, I have my daughter for such complicated things as doing math!"

Percy woke with a knock on the door. It was already morning and Grover came to visit him to go to Big House:

"Don't worry, Percy! After all, we're still friends, and I have extra reasons to defend you even if it costs my life! "

"How's this for me not to worry about?"

Late the two arrived at Big House, where they met Chiron and Mr. D, then they sat with them. Chiron seemed to be dark-eyed and tired, as he is all night training a speech. And then he said:

"Seventy years ago, the demigods contributed to World War II, and of course the children of Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades were the most troublesome, so they made a pact of no more children, even if there were easier alternatives. Unfortunately Zeus, to anyone's surprise, ended up having an affair and had a daughter seventeen years ago and it annoyed Hades for some reason so he sent monsters to kill her until she almost reached the camp almost died, but Zeus took pity on her and turned her into a pine tree that now protect. "Chiron sighed, pointing to a strangely creepy pine some distance from Big House, "And now it looks like Zeus and Poseidon are fighting over you!"

"And I was there, but although I couldn't help you, I guarantee I won't fail you Percy!" Grover exclaimed.

"That's really a lot of info dump! But did Zeus help his daughter only when she was dying? Why not earlier? "

Mr. D rolled his eyes.

"This demigod has just arrived and wants to understand my father's mind! Give it up, I've tried this over the past five thousand years and it could be one of the reasons why I drink so much if I wasn't already a wine god!"

"But I dreamed of them discussing a robbery, could that mean anything?"

"Yeah, that's unofficial because Zeus doesn't like to admit that something as precious as his Master Bolt was stolen without him realizing it, but he distrusts Poseidon because he once tried to usurp Zeus."

"Yes, but that was over five thousand years ago!"

"Zeus doesn't forget, he doesn't forgive and besides Poseidon has done this several times over the centuries, sometimes he wanted to, but sometimes he was bored and at other times it was just an accident."

"How do someone try to dethrone someone by accident?"

"What matters is that because he doesn't like Poseidon, that means a child of his would surely have stolen, at least in his mind, even if he has no proof."

"But how could I have stolen the lightning? You see me before I even knew I was a demigod! "

"I believe you, but because you're a demigod, you'll at least have the opportunity to go on a search, prove you're not the thief and maybe find the lightning!"

"And how do you expect me to do that?"

"Looking at the oracle above the attic, it will tell a prophecy that you will be destined to follow."

"An oracle? As oracle of Delphi? Did she even end up here?"

"It's an American adventure!" Mr. D sighed, followed by a crash.

"Don't break the fourth wall, Mr. D! Now go Percy."

Percy climbed into the attic, where he was so messy that Percy didn't know how to walk inside without tripping. In the middle of the mess were a bunch of clothes, a red stone, a sword, a pointed hat that somehow looked angry, and various objects Percy couldn't name. The only point of reference was a television, which only emitted a bright light, on the other side of the attic and with her back to him, was a woman sitting in a chair.

After all, Percy was expecting some teenage girl in dirty pencil clothes and a bunch of prophetic paintings on the wall. But then the woman's head in the chair turned like an owl, revealing that she had no eyes or teeth, looking like a mummy. She said:

"Oh, I finally have a visit in years! Even Mr. D and Chiron have stopped playing cards with me because I always know what his cards are! "

Percy considered turning back down, but the attic door closed on its own. The mummy that could or not be the oracle:

"Where do you think you are going so soon? I have old cookies stored somewhere, but they must have already expired! Never mind, come ask me what you want to know? "

"Are you a mummy? Chiron never said the Oracle was a mummy! "

The Oracle frowned, its fur so thin it looked as if it was twisting its skull.

"This is irrelevant to the plot! Ask what you are looking for and I will give you the prophecy as always! "

"If you have an answer to everything, why do I need to say?"

Rather than responding simply and consistently, the Oracle began to expel a bright green smoke and then said in a hoarse voice:

You shall go west, and see it safely returned,

You shall find what was stolen and face the god who has turned,

You shall be betrayed what matters most, in the end,

And you shall fail to save one who calls you a friend.

And then the smoke returned into her body, turned her head to the right place, and continued to watch television as if nothing had happened. Percy asked:

"Can't you give me more explanation?"

"Conveniently I may not always know the most important details and if it were possible we wouldn't be stuck in this mess and last time I revealed too much, He Who Must Not Be Named cursed me!"

"Since you won't tell who stole the lightning or what god to face, then is it the same person who cursed you?"

"Ah, that's a good theory! If you keep trying to guess things, could you stay in my place?"

"Hun, no thanks."

The mummy sighed, the attic door opened and Percy heard nothing but what sounds like a snoring. He quickly went to Chiron and explained everything. Chiron pondered:

"So that means it's Hades. After all, it is very convenient that the beings commanded by them have come after you in such a short time, and their brothers have broken their oath together. Besides, everyone hates Hades, so who else can be guilty of stealing the lightning? "

"Maybe it's me, resentful that my father wouldn't let me drink for half a century?" Mr. D sneered.

"Don't mess with that, Mr. D. Percy, your dad needs you to help him prove his innocence. I am not saying that he has conveniently acknowledged your existence just for that, but you need not assume that is the case! "

"Okay, he's not using me." Percy said, not very confident, "But exactly how am I going to find Hades in the West? Even if it's conveniently in the country we're in, the West is huge! "

"How likely it can only be Hades and the entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles, so that must be where you should go!"

"Wasn't there a Central Park entrance? I remember Hades going there when he returns to the Underworld after Winter Solstice. "Mr. D sneered.

"No, that would be too easy! Percy, you have to try to get on without taking a plane in case Zeus tries to make an accident, but you could take two partners because we have an obsession with the rule of three! Grover can have an opportunity to redeem himself with goat elders if you want. "

"Fine, I trust him."

Before Grover answered, Annabeth revealed herself taking off her hat.

"But I don't trust you to save the world, seaweed head! So let me help, after all Grover is my friend too! "

"How long have you been hiding?"

"Since you left Poseidon's cabin, actually."

Then the three were taken to Argus to be taken to Manhattan, but Luke reached them and gave them flying shoes. Luke:

"Take this as a gift to suspect them in their mission! Shout Maia for this to work, not now! "Luke said, holding on to his almost flying shoes.

"Thank you, I think."

They were placed in a generic van, apparently one of the most normal things in the camp, except for the driver Argus, who had multiple eyes all over his body. As soon as they left, Percy noticed that Annabeth was as far away from him as possible, so he wondered why she was doing this.

"We should be mortal enemies, because obviously we only have carbon copies of our parents who are mortal enemies! Poseidon once dated a woman in her temple, which was gross! Then they competed to name a city, but the Athenians liked her olives better than Poseidon's horses, and there's a reason why that place is called Athens to this day, so Poseidon doesn't like her! "

"Wasn't that five thousand years ago? If mortals didn't repeat this all the time, the gods might have forgotten long ago. "Grover bleated.

"Athena doesn't forgive, she doesn't forget! But if you want a recent story, a few months ago, when I and other campers went to Olympus in the winter solstice, Zeus's lightning bolt was stolen! Athena said it was very obvious that Poseidon was the thief, while Poseidon said that even he, who she always considered him stupid, was not true even if his argument does not prove anything.

"And what do we have to do with it?" Percy said.

"Nothing, but Poseidon might find it fair to try to kill me because he would conclude that Athena wouldn't mind a child of hers who befriends a child of a mortal enemy."

"And could Athena try to kill me just by talking to you?"

"Yes, but if she was the one who acted first, that means there is a logical explanation for that and it would certainly be your fault. Don't look at me like that, this is what my mother would do. "

They were dropped at Greyhound Station, where Percy saw it was near his apartment. In fact, Gabe was walking down the street and exclaimed upon seeing him:

"Hey, you're the kid who stole my car!"

"Good morning to you too, I'm kind of fine. And thanks for worrying about my mom. "

"Don't worry Percy, I'll protect you from that grubby monster!" Grover bleated.

"He doesn't look smart, maybe we can get rid of him if we pretend we're tourists or something." Annabeth said.

Suddenly three women flew toward Gabe, holding umbrellas as if they were Mary Potins, but wearing clothes that resembled Carmen Sandiego. They overthrew Gabe and began beating Gabe with Umbrella and shouting hysterically:

"Killer!" One of them shouted, hitting his head.

"Thief!" The second old woman shouted, slapping the umbrella on his belly.

"Jail walking!" The third shouted with a low blow.

"Those women look like the… I mean, the benevolent ones! We better run now! "Grover bleated.

"Why use another name not to attract them if they are already on our fronts? Think about it, goat boy! "Annabeth replied, before being pulled by the Grover.

They got on the bus and went to the back, but those three women were quick and got on the bus behind them. Gabe tried to get up too, but it was too late for him.

"It's full!" Shouted the driver, who looked bored.

The three women sat down and the bus began to move. Percy said:

"Don't the other mortals realize that woman turned into a giant bird the other day? Doesn't that give national news or something? "

"I don't know what mortals see, but there is something called mist that keeps mortals from seeing what they can't process, although psychotic women with arm-tied feathers don't seem to be the most surreal thing I've ever seen."

"So why are they acting like women in disguise? Can't fly over us and that's it? "Percy said.

"Don't try your luck, Percy!" Grover bleated.

The women got up.

"I need to go to ... Ah, whatever! Let's gut the goat boy, the child of the know everything and catch the lightning thief! "

"Yes, in the name of the Lord of Darkness, we will throw them into eternal suffering!"

"Yes, let's teach them not to mess with the gods of the underworld!"

Percy turned to Annabeth.

"Girl knew, you have any ideas!"

"Obviously I always have." Annabeth said putting on her invisibility hat.

Percy and Grover waited for a while as the three Furies approached slowly as if not trying to scare off a cornered prey. Suddenly the driver hit the gas and the three women fell.

One of them tried to get up, but fell to the other as if someone indivisible pushed him while another seemed to have his hand crushed by an invisible foot. Grover jumped into the group, shouting:

"Come on Percy!"

But he bumped into someone invisible and fell to the ground while the women tried to grab them to turn him into ground goat. Then Percy managed to find space to counterattack to keep them away from Grover, but they advanced at the same time.

Unfortunately, everyone stumbled upon a certain invisible person who was crouching on the ground, causing Percy to fall toward where the driver was. One of the women held Grover while, while another managed to hit some invisible. Alecto looked at Percy and shouted:

"Your troublemaker days are over today, Percy Jackson! Now give it back! "

Percy glanced at the driver, who although not looking at his cell phone like that with all the passengers, pretended not to look at the mess that was going on. Percy grabs the wheel and moves sharply toward a conveniently deserted road that led to New Jersey and for some reason there was no car to cause accidents.

"What is it? Where's your passenger-to-driver hospitality, boy? "The driver shouted, trying to push Percy aside, but they both fought for control of the steering wheel.

Everyone screamed as the three Furies, who screamed hysterically for someone to return something, were thrown along with the invisible girl and the goat boy. Percy turned back in another direction through a tunnel and if the bus hadn't been so heavy and slow, it would have turned. Then a loud rumble did the work of turning it, followed by a voice:

"Hades won't take my chance to find out who the real thief is! Although I bet high that's really this boy! "

"Zeus, be more discreet, you can't interfere directly with mortals!" A second female voice spoke.

"I just shot lightning in the distance, no big deal."

Percy, Annabeth, and Grover had managed to get out the open door in time while the Furies discovered that it was a bad idea to fly all at once in such a tight space while shouting and bumping into the other passengers.

They ran as fast as possible into the woods while a huge inconvenient storm fell. Now all that remained was to find another place where there would not be a monster to eat them as they headed west.


	6. Stand still and say cheese!

_**Chapter 6:**_

_Stand still and say cheese!_

After some time walking down the deserted road, they found an emporium on the roadside. The entrance was adorned with dwarfs made of stone, but they had a strange position like four queued dwarves who had poses like plugging their ears, covering their eyes, covering their mouths using their hands while the room had only a face of horror.

There was a giant sign describing the name of the place:

_**Aunty Em's Gnome Emporium**_

_We sell and make statues for customers or use our own customers._

_We offer free food for visitors willing to cooperate with our work without any refunds, with an extra discount without funds for young who usually travel with annoying goats that should protect them_

That sounded suspicious, but there was a delicious smell coming from that stone door. Grover shouted:

"Enchiladas! But it sounds too good to be true..."

"Well, if there's free food, then why should we refuse?" Percy soothed him.

"It seems a so obvious trap that it probably shouldn't be too much trouble," Annabeth replied wisely.

They entered the garden full of small statues knocking on the door of the Emporium

The door slowly opened with the sound of a horror movie. The place was very large and bright, full of statues posing or looking like terrified people. There was a cube that looked like an archaeologist with arms outstretched as if beneath a melted plastic cover, a strange number of satyrs and even blatant plagiarism of famous statues.

They went to the counter when they heard the door slam shut. They turned to see three old women who looked like the protagonist of The Devil Wears Prada, all in black clothes and sunglasses with their hair hidden in a cloth. Grover sighed.

"I bet it's the three benevolent in disguise!"

The women ignored it, but the middle one introduced herself:

"I'm Madame M, these are my sisters Stheno and Euryale, my helpers."

Annabeth frowned.

"These two names are very unusual, but it's familiar to me."

The taller woman sighed and shouted:

"We have been long forgotten that our full names don't ring a bell about these mere mortals!"

"Shut up, Stheno! I was the one who killed the most and yet, who remembers me?" Euryale.

"I hope, what do you mean, killed the most?" Percy replied.

Grover wasn't paying much attention, but he was looking at the satyr statues.

"Is it my impression or does that satyr remind me of my uncle Ferdinand?"

"Stop arguing, noisy sisters! We have to receive them by the hospitality law because we want to earn more statues even though there's not a lot of people coming here to buy and we produce more than we sell, so there's not much profit."

"Okay, are you going to show us the food or admit it was a trap from the start?" Annabeth replied.

"Oh, don't worry, we have a lot of food in the back of the warehouse not a little suspicious!"

Percy, Annabeth, and Grover went quickly to the back, thinking about what the smartest thing was to do at that moment. It was a huge garden full of even stranger statues, ranging from frightened people to what looked more like people posing for pictures.

There were several statues that seemed to portray people at different times, but it was so crowded that it was hard to imagine that this was just a roadside shop, but what mattered most was the center of the place, with a table full of hamburgers and enchiladas. Grover screamed and started running to the table, snapping up several enchiladas at once.

Annabeth whispered to Percy as she reached for a hidden mirror inside:

"I have a plan, so don't worry about anything."

"Does my cooperation mean anything? Wait, why are you making a plan?"

Annabeth sighed as the other women appeared.

"To the slaughter!" Stheno shouted hysterically.

"No, we just sell statues and make them statue, but that doesn't mean we serve them food and so eat them, we're not that kind of monster!" Euryale replied.

"What are you talking about?" Percy questioned.

"Oh, Percy, don't be ridiculous! Nothing wrong here, don't bother trying not to let your guard down." Annabeth spoke with such obvious sarcasm that Percy pictured her holding a written sign to be careful.

"It's getting late, but it's perfect natural lighting for a photograph, don't you think?" Aunt M asked.

Percy had the impression that her cap moved, hearing something like a hissing snake.

"Wait, what does this have to do with anything?"

"I mean, is it a sculpture model or would you rather be a model all night while we sculpt a huge block of cement? Hey, hungry boy, what do you think you're doing?"

Percy and Annabeth saw Grover softly tapping his barely audible reed pipe. He bleated.

"Nothing, so you want us to stay where?"

"Don't worry, we love statues depicting mortals being petrified in horror before ..." Aunt M threatened, holding up her glasses.

The ground beneath the two sisters broke, giving rise to branches that picked them up and began to pull to the earth. Aunt M turned to look, Percy was ready to counterattack from behind, but Annabeth pulled him, turned him around and showed a mirror. Percy had time to see that Grover was on the coast too, as if he were so much avoiding looking at Aunt M. Annabeth exclaimed.

"Percy, this is Medusa! Look at the reflection and attack her!"

"I would have hit her in time!" Percy complained, taking Riptide from his pocket.

"Well, but Perseus won that way in the myths, so don't fight what works."

Aunt M exclaimed:

"Oh, silly demigods! Always trying the same trick over the millennia, repeating the same things as their immortal parents and being their puppets! Now be kind to me and look at me, but if you don't want to be ridiculed for eternity, do a beautiful pose!"

Percy saw Medusa approaching in the mirror of Annabeth, watching the plasticized face, with bright eyes and snakes on her head that seemed to be relieved that they were no longer inside the cap. Percy took off the Riptide and countered with his eyes closed.

With a thud, Medusa's head fell to the floor. Carefully they took the head and put it in the bag. Annabeth said:

"At least we could use this as a weapon!"

Percy searched for a stone fountain, threw a drachma, and then threw his head with the address of Olympus, replying:

"No, after two monsters in a row in a day, it's better to show that we won't be pawns on their games!"

"Okay, maybe he'll send even more monsters if one of them is involved."

Percy decided that maybe he had been too hasty, but he was too hungry, sleepy, and stink to think straight. He turned to the burger table and glowed, but they were gone, as if someone had stolen it while they weren't looking. Percy complained:

"Is this a typical day in the life of a demigod?"

"Actually, get used to it," Annabeth replied.

They left and walked another hour west to rest in the woods by the road. When they found a sleeping corner, Percy thanked Grover:

"Sorry I brought you on this quest, although I don't know what would become of us without you at that time."

"Don't worry, I would have begged to come with you. The reason for this is because I want a search license to find the god Pan!"

"Who is Pan?"

Grover sighed.

"Chiron should teach more about him! He is basically the god of satyrs and wildlife, but he has been missing for thousands of years and all satyrs want to find him."

"And you need a search license for this?"

"Well, I could try, but since ancient times even satyrs have become more bureaucratic, so Mr. D prefers that I prove my worth before having my own adventure."

"But what happened to the Pan? Why would a god disappear?"

"Well, the wildlife is dwindling and maybe he has decided to become an isolated hermit because he can't stand all this popular modernism, we're all doing."

"If he doesn't want to show up even if you find him, what are you going to do?"

Grover frowned.

"I didn't think about it, but I can show that there is still hope in humanity. For example, instead of you selflessly wanting to save the world, you want to impress your father and find a way to save your mother, or at least avenge her."

"What are you talking about?"

"Satyrs can create an emotional bond with humans and read their thoughts. So, I understand her pains."

"Well, that's not very efficient yet, because I have no reason to want to impress someone who just recognized me a couple of days ago." Percy complained.

"Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. Now we better sleep and I'm not sure if I want you to have nightmares or not, but nightmares always count something important, so have a bad night Percy."

Grover lay down and immediately began to snore while Percy did the same. Maybe Percy wasn't sure of his true emotions, but he was sure Grover would get one thing right. Percy had convenient nightmares that could or could not help.

He entered a dark cave, wondering if he would find Pan, and perhaps was dreaming about it because of the conversation. Then he saw an abyss from which came a hoarse voice:

"If you look a lot into the abyss, the abyss looks at you."

"But how can something that has no eyes see me?" Percy questioned.

"For the same reason I can speak, I am deep in the abyss and I am not the abyss itself, I know your pains and resentments against those pesky gods."

"Then you must be the god Pan. What about you satyrs who keep reading the minds of others?"

Percy heard a long sigh that he never imagined could echo from an abyss.

"Little hero, I can return your mother if you swear allegiance to me and betray the gods! You are doomed after sending the head snake"

"Give back? So, you kidnapped her and you're demanding that I be loyal to you, a complete stranger? How does it inspire confidence?"

"When I said I was over blackmail? But I am weakened now to do much, but if you help me, I can do much more for you than the gods would ever do!"

"I just want my mom back, is that too much to ask?"

"Don't worry, there's still time."

A green light flashed over the abyss, showing a ghostly figure of Sally who looked justifiably frightened. She looked at Percy and shouted his name.

"Mom!" Percy replied, almost falling over the abyss.

"Don't worry, she's still fine, but now ... wake up."

"What?"

Annabeth and Grover, who holding a pink poodle, looked at them as if waiting for him to wake up all morning.

Percy questioned:

"Where did this dog come from?"

The pink poodle growled at Percy, giving a very hoarse bark to a small dog. Grover grunted.

"Look at the muzzle, Gladiola!"

Annabeth sighed, then explained.

"Percy, while you were drooling in your sleep, Grover found this poor puppy who ran away from home because of a Cruella De Vil who wanted to make her a purse."

"Won't that delay our mission?"

Annabeth put her hand on her face as if Percy didn't realize the obvious.

"Seaweed Head, there is a five hundred-thousand-dollar reward for returning Gladiola home, so we will have money to continue this trip!"

Gladiola barked, then Grover said:

"She told you to be grateful!"

"Do you talk to animals? And why would this dog want to go back to its owner?"

"Of course, I'm a satyr! And, we're just going there to get the money, but let's save this poor soul, now let's find this rich owner!"

And the three left for more trouble.

* * *

**N/A: ****I'm almost halfway through, I'm considering expanding the scene with Gladiola, but I'm not sure.**


	7. Who let the dogs out?

_**Chapter 7: **_**_Who let the dogs out?_**

Percy, Annabeth, and Grover returned the pink dog without any incident of his own. The dog belonged to an old couple who were lucky enough to win the lottery, but the man who looked like a grumpy farmer began shouting at the dog for no apparent reason until the police arrested him in a straitjacket for the old lady's sastification and the dog. With the money, they were able to buy a train ride to continue the search.

Percy feared that the train ride would be far more dangerous than it was. He hoped the old woman in the cart could be a monster in disguise or that the train was actually enchanted and would accidentally take them to the north pole or a school full of wizards. Luckily, nothing strange happened besides the strange dreams involving the same villainous voice trying to get him to join the dark side of the force.

"Percy Jackson, join us, we have cookies! "

"If I accept and you really promise to return my mother, what do you want me to do? "

"Betray the gods! The figure exclaimed, giving an evil laugh.

"Okay, but how?"

"I have no idea why I know your fatal flaw is loyalty, but I'm using a psychology tactic to make you really feel forced or tempted to follow me! We're in more modern times, did you know that? "

"It doesn't work very well if you blatantly say that and how do you know my fault is loyalty? And what does that mean? "

"I thought you were the least intelligent of the group and therefore easily manipulated, but it seems that it would be more practical and productive if I continue to invest in the obviously evil demigod even though he let, what everyone seeks, fall into the hands of a complete moron! "

"Wait, what do you mean by the obviously evil demigods? "

Suddenly Percy woke up with Annabeth looking at him.

"Looks like you can't sleep without drooling. "

"Are you the child of the sleeping god? "

"No, I'm a child of Athena, goddess of wisdom and you already know that. "

Percy couldn't know if she didn't understand the sarcasm or if she was being sarcastic with him. Grove stared at the window until he caught Percy's attention.

"Look, centaurs without clothes"

Percy looked and saw several centaurs running beside the train, but they looked like what was expected of centaur. Until then, Percy hadn't even thought that technically centaurs were always undressed when they were portrayed in movies and illustrations, while Chiron was wearing a half jacket, though without his pants. Percy tried to shake the idea from his head and said:

"How do mortals not see this?"

"Mist, seaweed head. This is in the Iliads, although they have been recorded by mortals through generations, maybe they were more gullible or something. "

"But Chiron and Grover have to wear cover in order not to be noticed."

"Yes, the mist doesn't work at all. "

"Chiron, a centaur who needs to disguise himself, but can those centaurs run around smoothly? "

Annabeth frowned.

"I suppose if I can't find the answer, that's irrelevant, right? "

"Never mind, I need to tell you something about my dreams. "

"I already told you that I am not a Morpheus child. Annabeth replied seriously, giving no sign that it was a joke or not.

Percy explained all the details, while Annabeth just looked as if she were analyzing the mystery of life. Then she replied:

"That's scary? Check it out! Sounds mean? Check it out! Is it in the dark? Check it out! Are you negotiating people who could be dead? Check it out! It can only be Hades, except he doesn't give stupid evil laughs, even though he looked above that when I saw him on Winter Solstice! "

"So he was there too?"

Grover bleated:

"When the Lightning Master was stolen, that proves it was him!"

"But that doesn't solve the problem with my mother being taken hostage. What would you do if it were with you, Annabeth? "

"Athena would have no problem because she always has a plan! Unless she was bored and wanted to test me. And I would go to the bottom of Tartarus if I had to! "

"What if it was your mortal father? "

Annabeth frowned for a minute and then said in a dark voice:

"I would leave him to rot because he never paid me enough attention. My mother did not warn her that she was an immortal goddess until I was born and left. And then my father married another woman and that automatically makes her mean, and they always show sadness toward me when something bad happened when monsters sniffed me and tried to devour me alive. So I run away, met Luke and someone else, until I arrived at Camp Half Blood. "

Percy tried to process all this information. And then said:

"And why don't you seem to hate your mother? She abandoned you too, didn't she? "

Annabeth blinked.

"What are you talking? My mother is the goddess of wisdom and can never be wrong! You're jealous because your dad just makes earthquakes, foam and horses! "

Percy sighed and looked out over the Mississippi River from the train window, it was already the second day of tedious conversation and only eight days left. Annabeth continued:

"Okay, maybe I overdo it, but we can work together. For example, horses are uncomfortable, but Athena has improved this by raising the wagon and holding on to it! Perfection can improve anything! "

"Yes, at least you will be satisfied just with your presence, wise girl."

"This is the seaweed head spirit!"

Suddenly, a jet of water hit the train window, they looked and saw something sink into the Mississippi River. And you could already see Gateway Arch when the train stopped, but Annabeth knew her priorities.

"I really need to climb Gateway Arch, it's a unique opportunity to climb that architectural marvel!"

"What was in that river?"

"Don't worry Percy, just don't let your guard down and stay close to the river. If it's from the sea, it may not have long range. And no, you're a demigod, so it doesn't count. "

They went to Gateway Arch, but first passed a diner where they paid part of the bounty money only to find that it was full of worthless drachma. The cashier at the diner cheered up.

"I can get very rich selling this old stuff to a museum! I don't know how you found this and why you are giving it to me, but you can eat whatever you have. Goodbye old life, hello new life! "

And after giving all the possible dishes, he ran screaming with happiness, Grover suggested:

"The snack is good, but the manager and the salary must be terrible! "

"Devalued drachma aren't hidden by the mist? "

"Never mind, seaweed head. Lets go to what matters! "

They went to the Gateway Arch and took an elevator -

"Gateway Arch was devised in 1933, although the planning lasted until 1959, when they actually started building and opened in 1969. Obviously they didn't get help from Athena's kids or didn't listen to them, because we would have completed every idea in less than one. decade. "

"Or maybe the Athena children involved didn't want to humiliate people supposedly less intelligent than themselves because at least they had some humility? "

Annabeth exclaimed looking out the window.

"This is amazing, but I could certainly make some adjustments, such as having a way of seeing how lifts are built like a roller coaster, but the view is pretty and positioned, although they could have added a floor next to the floor. Someday I'll make monuments like this, but much better of course! "

Grover turned to Percy and asked:

"You're a Poseidon kid, right? Why don't you have moments like this when you're obsessed with your dad's things? "

"Well, I have no idea either. "

"That's a shame, since the ocean is something wildlife related, so we could talk about that. "

Percy just shrugged, disappointed that he wasn't as talkative as Annabeth, but at least they didn't have to argue about which subject was better. After everyone was impressed by the great view for five long minutes, they went out.

They all settled into the elevator, leaving only Percy and the snake woman and her suspicious pet. The guide replied:

"There's no more space now, so wait for me to come back! "

By the time Percy jumped, he realized there was a space of at least a hundred yards to the river, beyond the 64 steps that led from the sidewalk to the monument. But suddenly, a winged horse came catching Percy as Chimera roared more flames.

"Where did this flying horse and machina come out? "

A voice came from the horse, as if Percy could understand the equine language.

"Hey, where did this random Poseidon kid come from? It's not like I had any connection with Poseidon, so get out! "

Pegasus turned and threw Percy into the Mississippi River without his having to fall to the ground. Echidna bellowed:

"There went our demigod porridge! No matter, there is still a child of know everything divinely unbearable! "

Percy fell into the river, which was much deeper than Annabeth and her wisdom had predicted or perhaps the mortal didn't know much about the river. On the surface it was very polluted, but although the background was more bluish, it was still possible to see rubbish like forks, mirrors, jewelry and what looked like a strangely animated mermaid with all this mess. And then came a translucent woman walking toward Percy, saying,

"Brave hero, I'm just a random Nereid, who works part-time as your father's messenger, and by chance he wanted to deliver these special pearls for you to safely return to the sea, but only if really needed. "

"Since I've met so many famous beings, couldn't my dad give me a visit? And what does this business give poorly disguised aids! "

"Your father can't show favoritism because otherwise his other immortal children could complain of carelessness, which technically would be fair and maybe you could make friends with them. Do you like Cyclopes and descendants of Neptune? "

"Is there anything else you could give me for help? "

"Yes, you must go to Saint Monica before you go to the Underworld, though those pearls will take you there anyway. "

"Not sure if this is a help. "

"Do not be ungrateful to luck, brave demigod! The signal is weak, I can't stay here long because of the pollution, so see ya! "

The translucent woman disappeared and Percy climbed in time to see Annabeth and Grover rushing over to him.

"What were you thinking, seaweed head? If it wasn't for Pegasus Ex Machina, you would be dead!"

"Didn't you see that dreadful old woman up there? She could easily cosplay Seryu Ubiquitous and Koro, just because of that weird dog!"

Annabeth reached for Percy, but just looked at him confused.

"What? You never watched that anime that had a psychotic girl who had a dog that turned into a giant monster? The anime was called ..."

"No Percy, you're doing it wrong! We have to promote diversity and American pop media, not foreign media because that would be weird."

"No time to waste, Percy! The media and the monsters are distracted, so it's our chance to escape!" Grover shouted catching Percy and Annabeth.

Percy glanced at a crowd around Echidna, holding the small dog as he spoke to a reporter toward the camera.

"I was running my own business, while that boy dared not turn into a snack for my beloved puppy and jumped into the Gateway Arch hole that suddenly appeared!"

The crowd shouted a reproach as Echidna tried not to laugh at the ignorance of mortals. The reporter said:

"Did you hear that, guys? Channel 12 found witness that the boy who disappeared with his mother and stepfather's car, attacked his teacher on a bus, destroyed an Emporium and smuggled outdated coins was seen high above Gateway Arch! If you see this boy, let us know just before talking to any press because we want to get this news first! "

"Wow, what a professionalism!" Annabeth said.

"Mom, that's that delinquent boy! "A random girl shouted.

The crowd turned to Percy, Annabeth, and Grover who ran back to the train.

* * *

**N/A: ****Do you know what I think is strange? It's like there are so many references to American but never Asian pop culture. Why not some reference to anime? And the anime Percy was saying was Akame Ga Kill. :)**


End file.
